and possibly Hoss, and/or assorted other knuckleheads from the south. I need your verification of the following information:
You are from the South if you know:
A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South, and they all look poisonous.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before. And they're all poisonous.
If it grows, it'll stickya. If it crawls, it'll bitecha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? Means Did everyone go to the bathroom?
People actually grow and eat okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I'm getting ready to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South, and pronounced "Swee-tee."
Backwards (backerds) and forwards (forerds) means I know everything there is to know about you.
The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Have you eaten yet?"
You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
Ya'll is singular, all ya'll is plural.
You measure distance in minutes.
You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You know what a DAWG is.
You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys (or Emeril's will do), Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 3 pages for local high school sports, 4 pages for NASCAR, and 2 pages for gossip.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissy fit is.
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin'.
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no Driver's Ed. If your mama says you can drive, you can drive!
Once you turn 60, you become "honey" or "darlin," even to the cop who pulls you over for speeding.
You understand these jokes and will forward them to your Southern friends, plus those who just wish they were lucky enough to be from the SOUTH.
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