Your worst nightmare is about to come true....

You've pulled up at that little roadside cafe in your speedster and all the outdoor tables are full.
You can feel the eyes on you - the wistful admiring looks of the women, the hostile envious stares of the men.
The moment of truth has arrived. You're just on the east side of 50 and the ol' knees ain't what they used to be. (Hell, let's be blunt, you wouldn't win any limbo contests.)

How do you make a cool exit from your car, looking like James Dean or Steve McQueen rather than a pregnant woman getting up from the sofa at her stork party?

If you have ever been in this situation, I can help you! The technique I

for those who cannot perform the above there is always the
drivethru.

I fear it is the 'drive-thru' that got a good share of us into the dilema kind Robert is trying to extricate us from! I use the Eastwood steely glint on many occasions, alas, I fool few with my myopic winces

You failed to mention if the Top is up or down, while trying
this Maneuver.....

Now if you are on the west side of sixty, your best polished techniques run into some cruel realities.

LOL
Nice reality check, John

BTW, I hope Billy Joe's GMC doesn't have a gun rack on the back window....

John, that is damned funny!!!!! Too bad it's so bloody acccurate.

this is very funny, you are just missing the part when you are trying to pull up off your seat and a big effort-produced-fart brakes the silence

That's really funny! I think the fart is in step 3 Steve.

The other optional part is to grab the windshield frame and pull, causing a nice crack to run through the glass...

The stories are outrageous (funny).I expect to have my new speedster within the next week. I have now learned three import things from this. Avoid the mexican food when operating the vehicle, don't slam the door and do not pull on the windshield. I won't bother with the key toss, because I would probably drop them on the car causing both extreme humiliation and new scratches.

I look forward to any new variations of this story from all of these very creative folks.

John, I want to know right now! Who or Whom (I never could get this correct) Sold you the tape of my getting out of the car! I want a name and so does my attorney! Is nothing sacred! The shame and humiliation is nearly more than I can take.

Mitch, thanks for providing the instructions which were pregnant with possibilities for the sick and inventive mind. I'm glad you guys enjoyed our point/counterpoint. RonL is correct about step #3. BTW Dale, I think it's "who" in this case, nominative, the subject of the sentence. I hoped that the story would not be prophetic of future events for any of you, but it sounds like parts of it may have recalled some similar past experiences. Did for me anyway.
John H.

I think this should go in the 'Knowledge' section.

Robert,

Help me out, man. I'm running through your technique, and I'm hoping there was a typo and you meant "9 O:clock?? And do you start with your right or left hand?

Mike McSween

I am in awe of the intire post. Just cant stop laughing.

Oops, sorry Mike - you're quite right er..correct that is

I forgot to reverse the clock position - where I come from, we drive on the left side of the road and my speedster is RHD
In the States, it should be the 9 o' clock position.

So, you would grip the wheel with your right hand and place your left hand down by your left thigh and execute a turn to the left.

Note: Please do not attempt the "Reverse Exit" using the 3 o' clock postion as you might end up standing on the passenger seat of your speedster looking out over the back and, what's more, if you've never heard the sound of humiliating laughter before.......

BTW John, I forgot to ask you if you're related to Don Martin..

Mitch, which Don Martin? The one that comes to mind is the one who used to draw and write for MAD Magazine. If so, no relation, but probably affected by being one of his fans, further evidence of a misspent youth.
I am, however, related to Donald Duck......long story.
John H.

John H.,

I've heard (and experienced) toxic family, but never Fowel relations...

MM

The very same one, John...
Your zany reply to my post had a "MAD" ring to it...

BTW If you're related to Donald Duck, then the way you exit
your speedster must surely be "poultry in motion"......

-Mitch

Geez, Mike....I'm glad you made that post......I thought I was the only one who tried this maneuver and wound up wrapped around the gearshift lever.

I got the "Swing your legs over to the ground" part alright, but, because I had crossed my chest to get my left arm on the wheel at 3 o'clock, I found myself sprawled across the drivers seat (LEFT hand drive, here), legs outside and body inside. (did I mention the un-natural movement of one's shoulder doing this? - OUCH!)

Then my two Jack Russell Terriers (Murphy's-Irish-Stout and "just" Sophie), seeing me squirming around in "the little car" decided "Hey! Dad's going for a ride and needs our help!" and jumped in OVER and ONTO me to see what's going on and start licking my face and jumping around in that tiny little cockpit. Murphy's cool, he gets up in the passenger seat, paws on the top of the passenger door, waiting to take off for a ride. Sophie is still wondering what the hell I'm doing lying on the seat so she's now licking my ears to wake me up and "get going!" I finally right myself and decide that my old method of discretely rolling myself out over the drivers threshold onto my feet will just have to do.

The pups were insistent on going for a ride so we all leashed up and headed out to their favorite place - the Ice Cream shop down in the village.

You tend to pop out a little quicker when the sexy right seater reaches over and gooses you.

BD

Hey Bill....do you also tend to get out of your speedster a little quicker as well? ;-)

I didn't realize you guys had so much trouble in your Speedsters, now try that in a Spyder and emulate James Dean's Spyder exits except his last.

Great MAD humor. When I bought my speedster the guy, tall himself, showed me a good way to get out smoothly, if tall, but I figure anyone can benefit. You put your right foot on the clutch, depress as you use the steering wheel to roll you leg under and with a jerk of the leg up as it clears the steering wheel you put your right foot on the ground. (Of course this assumes you have your left on the ground already).

Okay, joksters, what possibly could happen?

RW Becker

Took one of our esteemed faculty associates to pick up his car from the shop. He's a little...a....pudgy, yeah thats it. Had a terrible time getting in (top up) and could not get out. Could not compress that much volume into the space available. Offered to drop the top to facilitate exit, but noooo he's gonna do it like it sits. Ended up literally rolling out of the car onto the ground. Where's a video camera when you really need it.

Robert. This was the very 1st thing I read (including the morning news) this Monday morn. Your penned scenerio not only made my day, it's sooooo funnietrue, you've also made my week and even my month!

I'm jealous of your wit!

Chuck Franklin

Hi Chuck,

Thanks for the compliment. Glad you enjoyed it!

The post certainly generated a lot of hilarious threads.

(In particular Johnny2bolts' zany reply.....)

Regards, Mitch

Hey Mitch, I'm thinking of changing my name to "John Martin." Just kidding, generations of Scandinavian Trolls would come in the night to haunt me if I did. Well, I suppose that would be better than coming to eat me, since there isn't enough mutton to go around in my community.
J.M.

Dude, I just jump over the damn door ! get with it !!